I'm finally smiling again and believe it or not its because of my ex (not J but the older one)
I'm gonna see him next week (mon or tues) for a drink. Been talking to him for the past hour on msn and it was a laugh.
I'm not going for anything serious, don't want that. I gotta say he is a good friend to have and he takes my mind off of everything so yay!

lets see how I mess this one up lol.

still stuck in the whole got no where to live/no one wants me but meh it doesnt seem so major at the moment.

Didn't go into work again, and I really wanted to but I got hardly any sleep last night and I overslept this morning cos of it, meh.

well looks like Thursday i got to go back, Yayness!

2 days off now and im gonna be going to see The Happening. Looks good if a bit gory.

;P

So I feel rougher then a dogs back end. Ive phoned in ill today as some people have no gratitude.

I went into work yesterday even though I was ill, quite badly so. In debrief in the morning my TL (L) said to me
'Kirsty you need to wake up' Ive then replied 'I'm not tired I'm ill' and you know what, she then said to me
'you need to sort yourself out, if your ill you shoudlnt be working' wtf!? I came in because your understaffed. Rude much?
thankfully I wasn't the only one to think so and quite a few of my work mates said the same to me.
So this morning I've called in and left a message that involved the words 'L told me I shouldnt be working if I'm ill' so thats that.

Was up most of last night coughing bloody asthma. Can't wait to get better. 
Today I've slept for most of it. woke up at quarter to 7 and phoned work then watched a film but drifted off to sleep during it. Isn't it weird how sometimes when your ill the only way you can sleep is sitting up.
Quite a few times when I have had a dodgy stomach I've actually found I can only sleep resting next to the toilet. Any other time that would disgust me lol.

Dear god that stuff gets everywhere. You use it to stick a few envolope flaps down and suddenly your covered in the stuff and afformentioned birthday confetti is stuck to the rather large arse of mine. Yeh I was walking around with a gold and silver HAPPY BIRTHDAY! stuck there. I only realised as someone has started laughing at it. Not the kinda gift you want to recieve on a birthday should I say.

Anyway Just to let you all know that I'm adding a few people from GOS as friends to my LJ so If that happens to be you I'm tiababy (from GOS) the sometimes sim creator with the serious lag issue in uploading her crap :P
Welcome

So lets start from early on I'll just give a brief outlay.

I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I moved in with him 5 months after knowing him due to my mother kicking me out for getting a job (yes she seriously is that bad as you will see on my bad days when I regress back to childhood >.<) I though everything was fine, okay lately things haven't been as good as they once were but not everything stays the same.
I came home from work 2 days ago after he told me over the phone that 'we needed to talk' I correctly guessed that he wanted to split up with me.
Great.
So I've pretty much cried for 2 days straight. I literally can't cry anymore my body refuses to let me. I'm getting over it.
Yesterday I was talking to an older ex on Msn and told him that me and J were over so he suggested going for drinks in a few weeks once he has some money, he didn't want to do it before as he still has feelings for me and thought it would be unfair to put me through it whilst I'm with someone, fair enough.
So I've agreed to go for a drink for him (yes I know his an ex for a reason) 
I've told J this last night when he got back from work (still living with him as friends, although he can't keep his hands off me, strange cos he didnt want me that much when we were together) and he has gotten funny with me and gone moody and won't talk to me.
I've turned around and said to him "Well you dumped me" and he knew I still spoke with my ex even when I was with him. He has never liked it but then he can't say no as i used to let him talk to his exs before he planned to sleep with both of them, but that was last year and he stopped talking to them for the sake of our relationship.
Then he has said to me "well I was going to suggest something but never-mind" I've asked him what but he wouldn't tell so I said fine and went to put the dinner on. Just before i dished dinner up he has decided to come clean. (after he has finished chatting to some tart on msn! yeh that upset and hurt me but i couldn't cry for some reason lol)
He then says to me "I want to give it another go, I think we just need to do more stuff together"
But thing is although we are kinda back together and mutually exclusive he is going to re-assess this in a months time when we go to Thorpe Park together and decide whether it is working. 
I still really love him so not giving it a second thought I have said yes only now I'm thinking if he is just stringing me along for another month then decides that he would rather sleep around where does that leave me?
I can't go through that heart-ache again, I even called in sick to work cos my body is run down. I'm ill yeah great, just marvelous.
Thing is I can't say no to him. He has helped me through so much, my grandads death and then when my mum did that to me he took me in no questions asked.
I'm so confused and am wondering am I mad to do this. One things for sure I can't sleep with him until the month is over and I know for sure if we are gonna be together or not, but again I can't say no to him (trust me since we have split up he has managed to persuade me 3 times ; ;)
Am I seriously mad or can it work?